It's Just Me

Bad Day or Bad ?????

2005-01-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I juz cant believe how can ppl b so full of shit! I mean wat they say n wat they do is SO contradicting and they actually expect ppl 2 fall 4 the same shit over n over again??? Well I too admit tat sometimes I’m like tat too…but I try my very best NOT 2 b…Hmm but I don’t wanna state exactly wat happened tat made me so pissed wit certain ppl…I mean I could care less about wat ppl would say about me…But nah I don’t wanna whine tat much here…

I often ask myself y I care so much 4 ppl when I don’t or usually never get the same kind of treatment in return…It’s like this, it’s alright when ppl need u, expect u 2 b there 4 them, do things n stuff 4 them, b the person who actually listens to their problems and constant whining n blah blah blah…But when u expect a little, no maybe some attention and time and a ear from them…They juz disregard u, n maybe say they have no time or they r buzy or whatever shitty excuses tat they can come up wit…But I cant bring myself down to their levels…I mean I sincerely n honestly care 4 most ppl tat I know, without expecting anything in return from them…But I juz wanna know y when I need a favour or something, no one is ever around 2 help me… or listen to me…or even wanna b near me…This makes me so sad sometimes tat I can actually cry becoz of it…to note I actually did cry coz of this kinda shit b4…Even though I alwiz tell myself not to, but well I guess it cant b helped…I may look strong on the outside, but I’m very fragile inside at times…But I must remember tat NO ONE…I repeat to myself NO ONE can or will help me…so I WILL and I MUST depend on myself…Well tat was wat I was thought in my house anyway…Well not thought, more of picked it up myself…Coz no one is here to help me out when I need it…

I must sound rather sad or depressed to ppl coz of this entry…I could b…Maybe juz a little…But I know nothing can b done to change all this…I know 4 sure tat nothing will change 4 the better…The same shit will happen again n again n again…Funny thing though, I know it happens all the time but I still let it bother me sometimes…Well I dun blame myself, I am still human…Hmm maybe I’m juz emotionally deprived sometimes tat I need ppl 2 actually show me affection sometimes…Well I hope I find a source of affection tat will last a lifetime…Coz I sure ain’t getting any affection at home…

Until next time my dear blog…Ciao!!!

Goodbye Year 2004!!!

2004-12-31T15:00:00.000-08:00

Well seeing that it’s the last day of 2004, I guess I might as well blog for the very last time for the year…

Let’s see…Did anything special happen in the year that I wanna mention??? Hmm or did anything specific happen during the year??? Haha I seriously have no idea…Or rather I cant remember anything, well not anything but I guess I cant remember anything special happening 2 me in the year 2004!!!

Hmm I think the most major thing was living on my own in KL for 3 months…It was a very different experience and feeling when living alone…But it was good for me, that I do admit…I think it did a lot for me, I don’t really know how to say wat exactly it did but I know living by myself helped me understand and learn many many new things…and also being able to c a lot of things in different perspectives…

I don’t think I have anything to say for now…I really really cannot seem to remember anything tat happened in the year 2004!!! Oh my god!!! I juz hope for a wonderful new year to come…Filled with fun n joy n surprises n laughter n all tat is good the world to happen for everyone
:-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005 EVERYONE!!!

CIAO YEAR 2004!!! :-)

Back in Melaka!!!

2004-12-19T01:50:00.000-08:00

Well I've noticed tat i haven't posted anything 4 quite sometime already...Hmm I guess it's because I dun go online or use my computer as often as I did in KL...Oh yeah n sometimes I dun wanna blog bout wat I did or who I went out wit or wat happen in my day...I guess I juz wan some parts of my life to remain private...Well not exactly private, more like I would like any happy or sad thoughts tat I experienced on tat particular day to stay wit me, and only me...

So I'm back here in Melaka already...It's been bout 2 maybe 3 weeks oredi? Time passes really fast when ur having fun I guess...Well I did have fun in my holidays...Hmm I didn't go anywhere special or do anything particularly special...It's more like I spent time wit ppl tat I love...I mean my friends of course, duh! Well I havent had the chance or time to talk or juz sit n have a drink wit them since my 3 months in KL...So when I came back here...It was all like "ei yam char lar, so long din c u edi" n stuff like tat...I actually find it rather touching when a person actually says they miss me or have been thinking of me...It's not tat I crave 4 the attention or something...but personally 4 me...I think it's important to feel tat u r missed n loved by ppl once in a while...I dun really know how 2 explain wat I'm trying to say...Haha I guess tat's me lar...Oh ya to add...I actually kinda realized who r true friends n those friends tat really mean something in ur life 4 u...Well tat is important 4 me...Since I dun have anyone special to show affection 4 me n vice versa, I still do have n will alwiz have my friends...

Haih classes start on Monday...which is tomorrow!!! Kinda feel reluctant to go to class...It might b because of the lazy virus tat's been lingering around my house 4 quite sometime now...haha leave it to me to actually blame laziness on a thing such as 'lazy virus'

Christmas is next week...Hmm I do wonder if I would get anything 4 the occasion though...Well if I don't then it's fine I guess...I usually dun get anything 4 christmas anyway...But I did go out shopping 4 ppl's christmas though...I dun expect anything in return from them...It's juz tat I feel tat I would like to give them something, tat's all...Coz I like 2 c ppl smile, n not the opposite...N I would never put anyone in the pain tat I have experienced throughout my whole life, so tat's why I like to see ppl smile, n a person's smile is very important to me...(hmm I kinda think I'm going out of topic here, we'll save tat topic for another day though)

Hmm I can't think of wat else I missed through out the past few days...I can't really remember petty little things tat happen...Maybe it's coz I am the kind of person who only wants to remember happy thoughts n not sad ones...I guess tat's all 4 now...
Ciao!

My Last Day in the Office... :-(

2004-11-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

Hmm let’s start off wit an update from the last blog…Well to continue my bad day was another bad day 4 me n a colleague of mine…The idiot tat complained bout my ‘playing game’ incident during office hours went n questioned my colleague about it! I mean if I said ok already, n I won’t do it again means I wont! So WHY the HELL did he has to involve my colleague? I mean u dun need 2 question her 4 my actions…Hell question me but DO NOT involve other ppl…I REALLY REALLY HATE it when ppl r like tat…Well even though my colleague didn’t blame me or question me or get angry wit me…I still feel really bad about the whole stupid incident…Haih I feel really bad coz I got into this kinda shit when my training is drawing near…The whole incident kinda left me HATING tat guy…I n I really mean it when I say tat…It left a really really BAD impression 4 tat F*****!!! I dun think I should type tat word out again coz it’s kinda harsh after I read my blog again…Haha hell even I don’t know why I got so mad to begin wit…Maybe it was the spur of the moment kinda thing…

Well enuff of bad stuff…Let’s move on to happier stuff tat have happened in the office…Well it is my last day here in DaimlerChrysler Malaysia (finally!!!) haha I dun really mean tat…Coz I will definitely miss a few ppl here…Especially Judith, Belinda, Jan Ee n Jaya, to name a few…Well this were the few ppl who were closest to me during my stay in DaimlerChrysler Malaysia. Well wat I mean is tat these r ppl who I can actually have conversations wit or joke around wit in the office…There r other ppl tat I know but we dun really talk much…Hmm maybe because of the short time span I have here in the office…Well u win some u lose some…So I hope 4 all the best for them (those tat r close n those tat aren’t very close) in life!!!

To continue from the above…my colleagues brought me out to lunch today…N it was their treat!!! Well maybe not theirs but rather the department’s treat :p Haha it doesn’t really matter though whose treat it was…Hell I would have paid 4 them…I dun really mind paying 4 them, it being my last day n all…Oh yeah, we ate at ‘Oh Sushi!’ 4 lunch…Before we left Midvalley, I bought a few ‘Rotiboys’ 4 the other colleagues tat weren’t able to go 4 lunch together…Hmm I actually bought tat coz I didn’t know wat else 2 buy…N it was good n cheap….

Oh yeah forgot 2 mention tat I bough those 4 colleagues tat I mentioned above small gifts…Hmm to show my appreciation I guess…Hmm not really…I don’t really know the right word 4 it…Well as long as I know wat I mean n I know wat I wanna say n imply, then it’s fine wit me…

Well it’s already 5++pm now…so in a while I’ll be leaving the office for good…But they did ask me to come n go for lunch wit them whenever I’m free or around the area…Maybe I will juz take them up on their offer…

I juz finished a ‘photo-taking session’ wit the colleagues tat r available in the office…which r onli a handful though…But I guess tat will have to do…Haha some of them were really funny, sweet, cute n ‘perasan’ when taking photos…
I feel sad 4 leaving the company…But on the other hand I also feel happy tat I dun have to come to work anymore…But I’m more sad compared to happy…Sometimes I wish I had a little more time here to spend…But life moves on…I somehow dun think of it as a loss, but as though I’ve gained something invaluable for myself…gain friendship’s tat I hope can last…gained experience…n so much more…n I would not exchange or trade it for anything in the world…

Well tat’s all for today…I going to leave the office pretty soon…so I hope 4 the best 4 everyone n wish them all the very best in their lives!!! Take care people, friend’s n colleagues in DaimlerChrysler Malaysia!!!
Ciao!!!

Bad Day...

2004-11-24T14:52:00.000-08:00

A few days have passed n my ulcer still hurts like shit! It seems to have gotten bigger n bigger, to the extent tat whenever I move my jaw, or open my mouth, I will b in so much pain…tat it is unbearable…Oh I wish tat it would juz go away or even reduce its size…it hurts so much tat even my throat hurts as well…so when I swallow my saliva, it hurts like hell too L
Well as usual I’m in the office again…Again I have nothing to do…But I somehow to get my Internet working again…So the whole of yesterday was spent playing Yahoo! Online games…So when I came in work this morning, I had nothing to do, AGAIN! So I played the online games…But when I stopped playing coz I FINALLY had some work to do, someone came up to me n kinda scolded me 4 playing games…I say FUCK tat guy man…I mean, it’s not like I wanna play the online games, or it’s not like I enjoy playing it, I’m juz playing them so tat the time will pass…N here had to come a blady kepo mother Fucker n complain bout it…It’s like he has nothing better to do than to pick on an intern??? An intern who onli has a few more days in this office??? I immediately stopped playing when I had work to do…N I never even played those online games until yesterday…Blady hell man!!! Oh I got so pissed off at tat guy tat I curse him n his whole family n his children n his children’s children n all tat follow!!! Oh tat Fucker was from the finance department I think…Maybe ppl will think tat I’m being unreasonable…but who cares?? I certainly dun pay much attention to wat ppl think… :p
So now I have to sit here n do absolutely nothing to fill my superbly free time…Haih thank god my internship is gonna end soon…I wish tat day would come sooner…I’m going crazy sitting here everyday not doing anything…Ppl like me cant juz sit around n do nothing…I need to think…I like to b challenged…I like stimulating thoughts…I need 2 move my hands or anything!! But not sit still…
Hmm I feel really sad for ppl tat act so differently in real life n become a tottaly different person when in different situations…I feel annoyed by ppl who actually call me or say tat I’m their fren when they actually dun mean it at ALL! Some ppl actually go around feeling sorry 4 themselves, to the extent tat it annoys the shit out of everyone! I mean y the hell would a person wanna do tat?? Does it make them feel better doing tat? Or do they juz crave attention tat much??? Ohh it gets better…When u find it in ur heart to actually give tat person some attention…so u ask wats wrong n all tat shit…the person disregards u by saying nothing…dun worry n stuff like tat…I shall stop my complaining now b4 I go to far…which I can though…But maybe not today…I don’t wanna ruin my mood or anything…Oh wat I meant to say was…I don’t want my mood to get worse by thinking bout these kind of ppl…Since right here in the office a fucker has already managed to ruin my day…Ish stupid Fucker…
I hope today turns out better later in the evening…
Ciao!!!

Ulcers!!!

2004-11-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

Today has juz been terrible…I actually banged my car when I was reversing my car out of the house…Haih WHY in the world did I bang my car? How in the world did I bang my car? No one knows…Maybe I was still asleep?… Or tired?… Oh I don’t know…I cant explain it…I asked my colleague how much would it cost to replace the part tat I banged…N he said bout RM200!!! Y did I have to go n bang my rear lights? Oh I really don’t know…
So because of tat I was not in a very cheerful mood when I came into work today…It’s really hard 2 put up a smile…knowing tat my car has been hurt…N tat I did it! But I must learn to act professional, I mean by not letting my emotions affect me during my working period. But it’s so hard…but I am trying my best…Oh the things u must learn n b able to go through when working…
I somehow noticed tat the ppl in my office alwiz seem to b eating…I mean there’s alwiz someone bringing cookies or cakes or buying something…So I kinda get wat they mean when they say tat working in DaimlerChrysler Malaysia makes u fatter…Haha thank god I’m only here until end of this month…:p
I’m sitting here in my place bored to death…my internet connection seems to have gone ‘kaput’ So I cant do anything besides surf the intranet…N oh god is tat boring!! So I am now listening to my mp3 while typing a blog to be entered later when I go home…That will prove 2 b another problem, as my sis doesn’t really like it when I use her pc…but her pc is the only 1 in the house tat has internet!
I have had this wisdom tooth growing 4 quite some time now…n today it’s starting to hurt…coz maybe it’s really growing now…haha hell even I don’t know wat I mean…Oh yeah another reason it hurts is because I actually have an ulcer growing there too…So whenever I move my mouth, the tooth actually scrapes on the ulcer….
haih nothing more 2 say I guess...
Ciao!!!

Just Another Day!!!

2004-11-08T17:12:00.001-08:00

I juz read my previous post...and I actually laughed after I finished reading it...haha I din know I could actually write so much 'shit'!! I wonder wat anyone else who read it thought about it.
Had so much work 2 do today...So very tired now...It's weird though, it's boring when i dun have work...but tiring when i have too much work...I guess many ppl feel the same...But the good thing is having a lot of work to do...really makes the time pass very very fast...as u can c..it's already 5pm!! In another half hour, I can go home!!!
Didn't sleep much yesterday nite...I don't know y...I think I have too much going on in my little head, tat it actually affected my sleep!!!
My sister told me something tat really caught my attention a few days ago...N I know tat is one of the things tat's been on my mind lately...She told me tat she actually ask guys out...as in dating or something like tat..I might be weird to think tat it's abnormal or even cool tat she is able to do tat...But in a way it is really good tat a GIRL can do tat...I know I wont have the guts to do tat...But maybe I should learn how to...I mean by doing tat, u can get wat u wan rite? But i guess I fear rejection??? I asked my sis tat n she replied 'so wat? at least I tried, better trying to ask then not knowing' So I admit tat is a pretty good answer... I guess there r guys tat I would like to go out wit...But I juz cant bring myself 2 actually ask them out...haha maybe I'm juz chicken...Or watever tat u may call it...Maybe I will one day break free and be brave enuff to pop tat question...But it won't be anytime soon I know...
Well until then I shall juz stay the way I am...
I wanted to blog about something regarding rejecting guys or guys tat really turn me off...but I'm lazy now...haha coz tat will definitely b a long post...I guess I'll do it another day...Maybe tomorrow??? Coz all my colleagues won't be in again...Haih...such a sad sad world this is :-p
Ciao!!!!

Bored Again...

2004-11-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

I'm very bored!!! arrghhhh!!! All my colleagues r in Pekan...So I seriously have nothing 2 do!! N tat is very very bad coz...if I have nothing 2 do, then I'll have nothing 2 report about!! Oh god i hope my advisor won't know wat I write in my report is crap! Hmm but most of them r true...I onli write crap when i have nothing 2 do in the office...Haha can't blame myself...I guess everyone does the same ;-)
I am very cold too...haih 1 day seriously gonna turn to popsicle d...Got jacket also is never enuff...Haha this alwiz reminds me of someone when I'm cold...N I know the person know who the person is :-p
I did the weirdest thing yesterday...I actually accepted another invitation to join another yahoogroups...I seriously wonder y I did tat...Hmm maybe too bored here?? Oh god wat have I gotten myself into? Hmm I think it's called more 'shit'!!! Haih m brain must b freezing d...tat's y crazy d...
I did my course registration today when I got to work..Hmm at least tat kept me busy for a while in the morning...As usual the STUPID system was superbly slow...N alwiz hanging n I refreshed the page countless of times...Thank god this is the last time tat I have to experience all tat waiting and anticipation...Haha coz if all goes well, I'll b a graduate oredi next year...Hmm but the thought of tat sometimes creeps me out...It even makes me feel old too...But I have thought about getting my Masters...But I guess I'll onli take it after I've worked a few years...Haha I could get a better job if I have a Masters...But tats all in the future...My main worried now would include finishing my final report...Finishing my industrial training :-( ...Leaving my life here in KL :-( ....Finding myself a boy boy ;-) ....Going to the prom next semester...Finding a 'date' for the prom next year...Oh god my stupid list can go on n on n on...Hmm proves tat I worry bout tooooooo many things in my life...It's really a bad habit...But I am trying 2 change...But I juz cant help it...Haha another thing 2 worry about...
I wonder y ppl ask me to update my blog? Is my life tat interesting? But I think tat I can really write a lot of 'shit' when is comes to blogging... Haha maybe, I duno...But I do hope tat other ppl also update their blogs as well :-p
Ciaol!!!

BoreD!!!

2004-10-31T16:26:00.000-08:00

Dun ppl find yahoogroups to b a tad bit annoying? Y do I say tat? Well for those of u tat r in yahoogroups,I'm sure u know wat I mean right?? Well in juz 1 day, ur e-mail will b flooded by e-mails from ppl who r in the yahoogroups! Sometimes there r too many e-mails tat i simply delete them without even reading them...And when i do choose to read them...I get so pissed off! It's not tat i wanna get pissed off, it's juz tat PPL can b so hipocritical u know! Ok u actually ask them in person if there is anything wrong n all tat shit, but they reply 'NO'! So after tat u juz assume tat it's all better right? WRONG!! Coz when u open ur e-mail, u get emails from the yahoogroups saying stuff tat would juz piss u off! Haih let me b a good person here n not mention names...The names will stay in my heart...N if u know who u r, or u 'terasa' something when this is read...then it's not my problem...Well technically it is my blog...n I am free to blog about anything tat i c fit...But i don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings though, I juz rather not bottle up my anger, n I choose to write it out instead. I do feel better when I've let it out, it won't solve the problem but at least I've let it out! Haha I think onli I understand wat I'm trying to say...But who cares anyway...
Well today here in the office...the STUPID fire alarm went off so many times...Y? How in the world should I know? Cant blame anyone though...something must b faulty I guess...Ish but I do blame Menara Telekom a little...I mean isn't it their job to take care of all this? All they did was apologize about the alarm n inform us tat the fire alarm was a fake...but they actually announced it a little too LATE!!! I mean some ppl could have actually ran down the stairs before they anoounced tat it was a fake alarm...Haiyo imagine lar running down 48 flights of stairs...Pengsan man...But luckily I juz sat there...Haha if it were real...I could have died...Hmm but the thought of running down 48 flights of stairs is rather frightening right? Bah i guess i would juz wait here no matter wat...whether it b a real fire or a fake fire...Or maybe I could juz jump down to my death??? Hmm wonder wat I'll do if a real fire DID happen?? We'll wait n c 1 day man... =p
I miss my home!!!I juz came back yesterday nite...n I miss my home already...haih miss my bed...my TV...my sofa...everything! But I do enjoy the independent life once in a while...Maybe it's coz it's something tat i gotta do in my life...It's like something tat I must achieve and go through in my life...It's like ppl say...life must go on...haha No Matter Wat!!!
I don't know wat else to type 4 now...I guess I must b bored out of my wits to actually type something this long...Well I don't have anything to do in the office today...So I'll waste my time typing stuff...I think I better stop now...Coz if not, wait someone kill me...haha Ciao!!!

So Very Cold!

2004-10-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

Today has got to be the COLDEST day ever in the office!! I don't know y it's so cold...It's so cold tat u even feel like ur in Genting! Hmm if How Zan was here...he'd be a popsicle oredi! =p
Well today i did something tat i felt bad about...I replied an email in a really harsh manner...It's not tat i did it on purpose...but at tat very moment (I mean after I read the e-mail) I got so pissed off...n I tot, to hell wit it lar juz reply onli lar...But after I cooled off a little, I felt guilty about wat I have done! So I called someone to ask the person to read the e-mail n check n c if whether or not I was bad...but the person said NO...n wat I did was right...Hmm I did feel little better after tat...
Well I cant turn back time to undo wat I had done...But somehow I dun feel bad for wat I've done either...I juz hope tat the person tat the e-mail was meant for...Try n understand wat I'm thinking from my point of view...Nah I highly doubt it tat the person will actually understand...It would alwiz end up wit more stupid reasons tat r made to make the person feel better...But still I do try n try n try...But know this...my patience is running thin n i will lose it eventually...So when tat day actually arrives...I won't give a damm bout wat anyone thinks...
Haha but until then...I'm still me...so try not to piss me off ppl! =p Ciao!

Oh My God!!!

2004-10-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

The first post tat i typed could not b loaded...then when i refreshed it...it was all gone!! all my hard work down the drain...ohh so sad...hmm n now i'm lazy to retype wat i typed juz now...really a 'Oh My God!' case lar...
So i shall type something tomorrow onli lar...but i do wonder who will read or even vist this blog...haha take care ppl! Ciao!!!